


to see ourselves as others see us

by scribblingnellie (onegirlandherpen)



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Flowers, Flowers and dinner and kissing, Greg is angry with himself, Has Greg ruined it?, Kissing, Love, Mollstrade, Molly is upset, Molstrade, POV Lestrade, Rupert Graves Birthday Auction 2017, Sally is wise, doubts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 11:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14831205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onegirlandherpen/pseuds/scribblingnellie
Summary: Greg Lestrade's doubting himself. But the women in his life know better.





	to see ourselves as others see us

**Author's Note:**

> Fic written for 2017 Rupert Graves Birthday Auction for missd721. Reposting.

 

'Are you telling me what kind of man I should want, Greg?'

'No, I'm trying to understand why you want me.'

'But why?' Molly stared at him, confused.

'It's just, I...' Greg shook his head, trying to get his thoughts to come together. Why was he doing this so badly? In the quiet dark of his car, he reached over and took her hand. 'I'm not exactly much of a catch, am I?'

'What?' Molly pulled her hand from his. 'Why are you saying that?'

'Molly, I'm an old copper who works too much, who got taken for a fool by the woman he thought he loved.'

'Seriously? No, Greg don't, just don't even begin to go there.'  Suddenly grabbing her bag, Molly opened the car door and got out, shutting it forcefully behind her.

'Molly! I didn't...' Quickly getting out, Greg hurried round the car, stopping at her front gate.

'Please, wait.'

'No!' Already at her front door, standing under the bright porch light, Molly turned around. 'You don't get to tell me who I can care about, who is good enough for me. I want _you_. God, all the things we've both been through to get here. Stop doubting yourself, stop seeing yourself as she did.'

Jabbing the key into the lock, she opened the door. As she stepped inside, Molly looked back at him; the pain in her eyes made his chest tighten. Shit. What had he just done?

'Good night, Greg.' 

As the door closed, he stood silently on the pavement, watching; the sound of the latch struck at his heart. As the light came on behind her curtains, Greg closed his eyes, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. God, what the hell was wrong with him? Why did he always stuff things up?

Why?

***

 

'Idiot. Stupid, bloody idiot.'

Greg dropped down onto his bed, letting his head fall back against the pillows. Toeing at his shoes, he kicked them off, two muffled thuds on the carpet. As he grappled with his tie, Greg closed his eyes and all he could see was Molly - her smile, the wisps of hair escaping from her plait, the sexy look in her eyes when he'd kissed her.

How had their evening gone from being so happy together over drinks in the pub to him standing outside her house and Molly, angry and upset, on the other side of her front door?

How long had he stood there on the pavement, hesitating, his head and heart in total chaos? What did he do now? What else could he do but go home. Molly had made it quite clear their evening was over; and she had every right to. As Greg got back into his car, the hint of her perfume immediately wrapped itself around him; fresh and light and then every part of his body was thinking of her, feeling her, wanting her there with him so he could kiss her and hold her against him. Hands gripping the steering wheel, Greg had felt like banging his head against it. Bloody hell, what was wrong with him? Somehow he'd managed to drive home, park up, let himself in and find his way upstairs. And now he lay on his bed, cursing himself and his stupidity.

With his tie finally loose, Greg pulled it off and let it slip from his hand, trying to recall why he'd said it, why he'd given voice to those thoughts. But all he kept coming back to was that he was an idiot, an idiot who didn't appreciate what he had - a clever, beautiful, brave woman who cared about him and who didn't mind that his work meant long days, cancelled dates and quick hours together grabbed wherever they could; an idiot who'd just thrown away the past five months of happiness for a few insecure thoughts that he couldn't dislodge from his mind.

_Stop doubting yourself, stop seeing yourself as she did._

Rolling over, Greg buried his face into the soft pillow. Molly's scent surrounded him once again - and took him straight back to their first time together, here in his bed. Sex with Molly had been so wonderful and fun, and the feel of her, her body on top of his... Greg closed his eyes. Bloody hell, he'd messed up, completely and utterly messed up.

***

 

'Sir, you ok?'

'Sorry?' Startled, Greg snapped his head up as the voice broke into his thoughts. Donovan stood in the doorway of his office watching him. 'Um, yes, I'm... fine.'

How long had he been just sitting there? Looking back down at his desk - covered in scattered case files and a half drunk mug of now cold coffee - Greg couldn't shake the image of Molly, angry and upset, from his mind.

'You don't look it.' His sergeant closed the office door behind her, shutting out the noise of chatting and phones and photocopiers. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing... everything. Shit.'

'Greg, how long have we known each other?'

'Ten years.'

'At least.' Sally perched on the front edge of his desk. 'Now, talk to me.'

Letting out a long breath, Greg picked up his mobile; no messages from Molly. He hadn't really expected her to reply to his early morning text - _Molly, I'm so sorry. I'm a bloody idiot for what I said. Please forgive me. G._ Why should she? He'd been completely stupid and she had every right to ignore him.

Putting his mobile down, Greg tried to gather his anxious thoughts together. 'I think I've just ruined the best thing in my life.'

'You and Molly had a fight?' Sally looked concerned as he met her eyes.

'Sort of. Well, no, not a fight.' Scruffing his hand through his hair, Greg took a deep breath. 'More like, I opened my mouth and stupid things came out - like, why would she want to be with me.'

'You didn't do the whole old, divorced copper thing, did you?'

Nodding, Greg dropped his head into his hands. He could hear Sally sighing.

'Right. First, yes, you're fifty years old..'

'Fifty one.'

'Sorry, fifty one. Yes, you're older than her and yes, you're divorced. What you are not is washed up, decrepit or any other expression you used this time. You are loyal, honest, decent, and smart. Molly knows that, that's why she's with you.'

Loyal, honest, decent, smart? Greg didn't feel any of those things right then. God, he had been horrible to Molly; she wouldn't want to talk to him.

'Sally, she's not going to...'

'Text her, call her, whatever. Do it. Apologise and tell her you can't live without her. Yes?'

'I don't...' Stopping himself at Sally's raised eyebrow. 'Yeah, ok.'

Reaching for his mobile again, Greg watched as Sally nodded and pushed herself off the desk, heading for the door. He always knew DS Donovan was a force to be reckoned with, and someone he was very glad to have on his side.

'I will be recommending they promote you to that DI position in Fraud, just so you know.'

'I should hope so too, boss.' Pausing in the doorway, Sally turned. 'You're so much happier with Molly. Talk to her.'

'Thanks.'

She smiled and pulled the door quietly closed as she left. Greg looked down at his mobile, tapping the small photo of Molly's gorgeous face at the top of the screen; she did make him happy, absolutely insanely happy, and he didn't want to lose her.

_I am an utterly stupid man for what I said. You're the best thing to ever happen to me. G_

Putting his phone back on his desk, Greg surveyed the pile of case files. No point putting them off any longer. Picking up the top folder, he let his eyes stray to his phone. No reply.

***

 

Closing the folder in front of him, Greg dropped it back onto the pile on his desk; that was the last of them, finally. The sudden sound of laughter made him look up; a group of his detectives were standing near his office, coats on, ready to go. Looking at his watch, Greg sighed. It was gone seven.  A tap on the door, and Sally popped her head round as she opened it.

'Drink, boss?'

Greg's eyes flicked back to his phone. Still no text from Molly.

'Not tonight, Sal. Thanks anyway.'

'If you're sure.'

Giving her a half hearted smile, Greg nodded. 'Yeah, I'm sure. Think I'll just get in and fall asleep on the sofa in front of the tele.'

'Don't go over doing it now.' Sally smiled and rejoined her colleagues as they left the office.

Leaning back in his chair, Greg swivelled round to look out across his view of London and the Thames. Dusk was almost done, lights were flickering on, and the city's workers were off out to enjoy their Friday night. But the thought of standing around in a pub, crammed in with so many others, shouting to be heard, didn't appeal to him that evening. Some nights he really did feel all of his fifty one years.

_God sake, don't bloody start._

That kind of thinking was why all this had happened in the first place. Shaking his head, Greg pushed himself out of the chair and switched off his desk lamp. Whatever his age, whatever life had decided to put him through, if Molly cared for him then that was what mattered. And he hoped she did still care for him, despite him being a bloody fool.

Picking up his jacket, he shrugged himself into it. Checking his pockets - keys, wallet, mints - he reached over and picked up his mobile. Still nothing. He'd been glancing at it all afternoon - while Anderson'd been trying to explain something to him, during the daily sergeants meeting, while trying to compile more case files for the following week's court appearances. But there'd been nothing from Molly. Why hadn't she texted? His heart hurt at the thought that he might've driven her away.

He turned off his office light and headed towards the lifts. The sudden alert noise made him jump as he went to press the button. Hesitating, he stared down at his phone in his hand. Molly? Taking a deep breath, he lifted it up and swiped the screen as he stepped into the lift.

_Hi. Just seen your message. Did you want to come over to mine tonight? We can talk. M_

_Would love to. Be there about 8? G_

_Lovely. See you then. M_

The lift doors pinged open and Greg stepped out into the underground car park, his heart beating a little faster at the hope that Molly might just forgive him. Getting into his car, Greg knew he couldn't arrive at her house empty handed. As he drove out onto Embankment, he decided to make a small detour first.

***

 

All the bouquets were huge - roses, peonies, lilies, others that Greg didn't even recognise. Shaking his head, he looked up at the florist; he really had no idea when it came to flowers.

'I want to say sorry, to my girlfriend.' Greg glanced back over the daunting array of blooms. 'I know she likes classic flowers, you know nothing too showy or over the top. '

The florist, standing patiently beside him, nodded. She contemplated the bouquets and buckets of flowers before her for a moment and then reached in, grabbing two bunches of big, round roses.

'These'll be just the thing.'

'I was a complete idiot - basically told her that I didn't know why she was going out with me. Sorry,' Greg apologised as he followed her back to the counter. 'Don't know why I'm telling you this.'

'You'd be surprised what people do tell me.' Laying the roses out on the counter, she smiled. 'That's the thing about flowers - we need them to say just the right thing.'

Greg watched fascinated as her hands worked deftly, combining the blooms, creating a beautiful, elegant bouquet from what had just been individual stems.

'For what it's worth, I think your girlfriend will forgive you.'

'You do? Why?'

As the florist pulled a length of white ribbon from the spool on the rack, cutting and wrapping quickly and expertly, she smiled, her eyes intent on her work. 'You're thoughtful and honest and you think the world of her.'

Surprised, Greg ran a hand through his hair. 'How can you tell?'

'You didn't just grab the nearest or biggest bouquet. You considered and then asked for help. There.'

The woman held up the finished bouquet. Greg grinned; they were just right. A dozen full round roses - deep red, dusky yellow. Graceful and romantic, just like Molly.

'They're perfect. Thank you.'

***

 

Feeling his hand shaking a little, Greg pressed the doorbell. He could hear Molly's voice muffled behind the door - probably shooing Toby out of the way. Re-adjusting the flowers, tucking them back into his arm, he took a slow, deep breath. The latch sounded and the door opened.

'Greg, hi... oh.'

Molly stopped, her eyes staring at the flowers.

'I'm sorry.' Proffering the roses, ignoring the thudding of his heart against his chest. 'I was stupid and a fool and I'm really sorry for upsetting you and I...'

'Greg.' Her hand was in his, her eyes seeking his. 'Thank you. They're beautiful.'

'You like them?'

Molly nodded, a smile playing over her lips. 'Come in.' Tugging his hand as she stepped backwards into her hallway. 'Come through. Dinner's on - it's only macaroni cheese but I thought you might be hungry.'

'Starving. Thank you.'

'No problem.'

Following her down the short hall towards the kitchen, Greg let his fingers run gently over the framed photos and drawings covering the walls - all of them Molly's. He smiled, his heart still quietly thudding, as his eyes settled on his favourite - the photograph of him, backlit by the sunset over the London skyline. That'd been their second date - dinner and a play at the National Theatre; they'd stepped outside onto the balcony to admire the view and she'd taken the picture without him even noticing. Molly really was amazing and talented and he was a bloody fool. He was going to make this right.

Reaching the kitchen, Molly placed the bouquet on the pale wood bench, her fingers lightly stroking the petals. 'Greg...'

'Listen, Molly, before you say anything, I am sorry for everything I said.' Greg moved closer, his eyes looking down at the roses and her slim, elegant fingers. 'You were right - what my ex did, it made me feel worthless and hopeless. That someone as wonderful and intelligent as you could care for me, I guess I just couldn't believe...'

A gentle touch on his hand and he lifted his head, his stomach knotting up as his eyes found hers.

They were so close; every detail of her face, every curve and freckle, her lips near enough to kiss. God, she was so beautiful and so lovely. Reaching up, he cupped her cheek tenderly, his thumb brushing over her skin; Molly closed her eyes, leaning into his hand. His body responded to the feel of her, to her quiet intake of breath, and to her hand warm on his waist.

'Molly,' he whispered, resting his forehead against hers, 'You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't know where I would be now if it wasn't for you. Everything you did, every night you let me stay late at the lab, talking to you. Every night you listened and made me coffee and hugged me. Every phone call and text, everything you said to me.'

'Greg.' Molly tucked her body snug against his, her arm wrapping tight around his waist. 'You were so hurt and upset, it made me ache to see you like that. You didn't deserve what happened, not someone as decent and kind as you. And I really liked you being there.'

'You did?' His lips brushed against her hair, his senses filling with her warmth, his heart aching as she rested her head against his shoulder.

'I did. I looked forward to seeing you, hoped that you'd visit the lab and we could sit and talk. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to see your smile, hear your voice.'

'Molly..'

'I fell in love with you over those months.'

Fell in love with him? Greg felt all the air knocked from his body. Gently lifting her chin up, he searched her eyes. 'You did?'

Molly nodded. 'I did. But I knew you weren't ready. I waited, and then one day you took me by surprise and asked me out for a drink. That look on your face when I said yes, I knew then that I definitely loved you.'

'Molly, I...'

He leaned in, but Molly put her hand on his chest, stopping him. 'Greg, when you said those things the other night, you really frightened me. It was like you doubted me, you doubted yourself. And I was scared that... that you didn't want to be with me.'

'Molly, I want to be with you. God, do I want to be with you.' Pulling her into him, his arms held her like he never wanted to let go. 'I love you.'

'I love you, too.' A quick touch of her lips on his cheek. 'You're the most wonderful man I know. You definitely are.'

His heart stopped at her smile - happy, sexy and completely and utterly kissable. Greg closed the tiny space between them, his arms slipping down to her waist as he kissed her, the taste of her soft lips going straight to his head. Feeling her press against him, his body responded; he kissed her deeper, his hands wandering, slipping under Molly's shirt. Molly's hands found their way past the waistband of Greg's trousers; the touch of her fingers on his skin, and his on hers, heated every part of him.

Coming up for air, Molly bit her lip as she reached up to tangle her fingers in his hair. 'Thank you.'

'You're welcome.' He shivered at the feel of her lips against his stubble; his fingers stroked over her stomach, teasing at the edge of her bra. 'So, how long 'til dinner's ready?'

Pulling back, Molly reached behind him to pick up the kitchen timer. 'Twenty minutes long enough for you?'

'Well, there's a lot we could do in twenty minutes.'

He raised his eyebrows and kissed her again, his tongue running over her lips; Molly moaned against his mouth. Damn, that was so sexy.

Nuzzling her neck, his hands wandered lower, curving over her bottom, pulling her gently back against him. Molly giggled and Greg felt her fingers tracing along his zip, fondling the bulge in his trousers; he sucked in his breath as she pressed harder, cupping him, the heel of her hand rubbing gloriously against him. Bloody hell. Letting go of her bottom, Greg slid his hands up her body, and under her bra. Caressing her breasts, he felt her nipples harden under his slow, firm circling thumbs. So beautiful. Molly let out another sexy moan and her fingers grasped his zip.

'Everything ok, Molly?' Greg grinned as felt the zip go and eager fingers slip inside. 'Damn it, Greg Lestrade, get those trousers off now.'

*****

 


End file.
